You know what’s the worst?

When you try so hard to get back into dating after a long time off the proverbial horse—but then all you find are creepy creeps wanting an easy hook-up (argh!), and you don’t know how to enforce your boundaries without sounding like a total bitch, and there’s always someone younger or skinnier or better dressed or more confident, leaving you totally disheartened and ready to crawl back into another lonely Saturday night on your couch with nothing but Netflix and a tub of ice-cream for company.

What’s an independent woman who wants to get laid to do?

It doesn’t matter that you have friends of friends who are sure you and their friend are PERFECT for each other and will set you up if you just say yes! And an online dating profile (or five) with all the pictures that all the ‘experts’ recommend! And an open-minded attitude and a willingness to explore and experiment with the ‘wild side’ of your sexuality! (Though you draw the line at anything to do with clowns or feet, and especially anything to do with clown’s feet…gross)

Alas, the dirty, low-down truth is this: single women who don’t want to be in a traditional, tied down relationship but also don’t want to be alone are always going to struggle with maintaining their freedom and independence while also having mind-blowing sex, because society hasn’t quite gotten used to the fact that women like us (like YOU) don’t need a spouse to have a fulfilled life, but by Jeebus, we like us some toe-curling orgasms in the company of other humans. And we’re not afraid of commitment, we’re just choosing to be committed to ourselves first and enjoy the spice of variety, but no that does not make us selfish or slutty, it makes us sexually empowered and liberated and desirable. SO desirable! To the right people, and the right people will find us when the time is right, yes they will!

But, are we sure?

Because here’s what I often see happen with my clients:

• They spend a tonne of money, and countless hours of their precious time doing self-help courses and personal development - which is fabulous - but none of these things actually get to the heart of their unique, individual matter, so the changes don’t seem to stick.

• They know they want to be sexually liberated, empowered, divine goddex badasses but they don’t know how to express that in the world, so they pussyfoot about, afraid of being judged by their friends, family, and colleagues - and WORSE, internally judging and shaming themselves - for appearing sleazy or slutty.

• They are painfully aware of the societal expectation to be a ‘good girl’, to toe the line and do what everyone else is doing…find a partner, settle down and be happy with that (especially after they reach a certain age) but even though this is the easy option they know they’ll practically die of boredom and sexual frustration if they try to go down this road again - and yet, they keep going down that road again…and again.

• They know consciously what they want, and they know for sure that they want it, but old habits, beliefs, reactions, and patterns keep flaring up and fucking things up and they can’t seem to break out of that cycle.

And you know what that means? 

• You keep your true sexuality and desires hidden, even from yourself - which means you never get to know who you are at your core and what you’re actually capable of in every area of your life, not just between the sheets.

• You settle into the same boring old, bland old relationships that you’ve always had, holding yourself and your partners to the same low standards, never daring to allow yourself the freedom and fulfillment you know you’re worthy of.

• You carry on the same belief (which probably isn’t even your belief) that your sexuality is not that important, it’s only useful for spicing up your sex life in relationships when really? It’s the pebble in the pond that ripples out and touches every part of your life, giving you the poise and pizzazz to live how YOU want, and not give a shit what anyone else thinks.

• You feel like some kind of crazy person a lot of the time - part of you goes for what you want but there’s another part of you that puts the brakes on and sabotages your effort, making you feel guilty and shameful even though you know that this is what you want.

This is precisely why I got into business: because I know that I can help you fix all of that, and more.

I’m a love, sex, and relationship coach & energy healer who specializes in clearing out your old baggage and beliefs so that you can start - and continue - to live, love and lust on your own terms, and I know two things to be true: 

• You’ve tried to figure this all out on your own and you’re at the end of your rope, at this point you’re considering adopting several cats and forgetting about intimate relationships altogether.

• You don’t have the time or the money for wishy-washy positive thinking surface bullshit, and it wouldn’t work anyway - you need something that gets you into your body and releases the blocks that hold you back.

But what do you have?


Energy.

Your energy is the one thing that you can do something about. Everything is energy, your fears, your shame, the past you can’t seem to let go, and when you’re guided through a few simple energy healing, belief-repatterning processes, your baggage can melt away, and your confidence can soar.

Because that’s the thing, isn’t it? All you need to do is let go of the sticky stuck energy that you’re dragging around, that’s weighing you down, then you can finally feel comfortable and own your Goddess-given sexuality, get back in the dating ring, love the fuck out of your body and create relationships, love and a sex life that bring you more joy (and orgasms) than you ever imagined possible.

So that’s why The Mindful Misfit was developed. At first blush, this seems like fluffy woo-woo. But rather, the concept here is simple: you don’t have to rehash your problems endlessly in therapy, you don’t have to run away and join the freak show to find acceptance and you don’t have to keep your true self secret from yourself any longer. 

All you need to do is shift the energy, and the rest will flow.

*** 

I’m Shelly, and I’m the proud founder of The Mindful Misfit. (Hi!)

Naturally, it all started with an online dating profile (where all good stories start). I was about to leave the country on a working holiday, so I wasn’t really looking for anything, just killing time and flirting with whoever came along.

I started chatting with a much older guy who’d noticed I had BDSM listed as one of my interests. When he questioned me about this I couldn’t tell him what I wanted, but I could sure as shit list off a whole bunch of stuff I didn’t want - and having recently disentangled from an abusive-disguised-as-kinky relationship, I had a list as long as your favourite appendage.

The thing is, I knew exactly what I wanted.

I was scared to admit it.

I had no idea how to give myself permission to want what I wanted. 

It didn’t feel safe to want what I wanted. 

But I was leaving the country soon, and what did it matter if some stranger knew? So I thought ‘fuckit’ and I opened my mouth and let it all out - my desire for intimacy and great, kinky sex but without the restriction of a traditional relationship. My darkest fantasies, the ones that contradicted everything I’d been taught about what it means to be a strong, independent woman in the world. All the things I’d been secretly shaming myself for and making myself feel bad and wrong about, all of my adult life.

Saying it all out loud felt…liberating. It felt like I was moving all that I wanted out of fantasy land and into the real world. And my tall, dark, mysterious internet stranger? He moved from stranger to lover, to trusted mentor, and over the course of the next few years he taught me the greatest lessons of my life. 

I learned how to accept myself. I learned how to give myself permission to want - and experience - my deepest desires. And I learned how to enjoy the fuck out of my body.

But of course, not every random man on a dating site is going to turn into an epic tale of kink, trust, and self-acceptance. Most of the time, we’re left to our own devices to figure this shit out, and if you’re on your own, how do you know that what you’re craving is perfectly ok? How do you know how to keep yourself safe while you’re out there experimenting? How do you learn who to trust and how to have your own back so that no matter what anyone says about you or your lifestyle, it rolls off you and you continue on with your badass self, more comfortable and more confident in your skin than you could ever have imagined?

That’s where I come in. 

Maybe I AM an internet stranger, but I’m also a certified and testified Coach, Hypnotist, and Energy Healer and I’m passionate about helping people like you to ditch their baggage, build earth-shattering self-love and stop feeling shamed by society into living a life less than what you deserve.

I believe that you deserve to live, love, and lust on your own terms, and if you’re sitting there thinking ‘FUCK YES I want to believe too!’ I’m personally inviting you into a 6-day “Shake Off The Shackles” challenge, where I’ll walk you through six things you can do right now to get more comfortable with what you want and start creating the love, sex, and relationships of your wildest dreams.

Six days.

Six ways. 

I recommend that all new clients start here - you in? (Resists making bad ‘is it in’ joke)